Donderdag 4 Februari.

Ik verheug me nu al op volgende week als ik weer naar Ruud ga.

Hoewel verheugen, eerlijk gezegd ben ik best een beetje nerveus, ook onrustig. Wim merkt het, tenminste dat gevoel heb ik.

Gisteravond ook, ik zat tv te kijken toen hij naast me kwam zitten. Ik had RTL4 opstaan, ik weet niet eens meer welk programma, ik zat gewoon te kijken zonder op te letten. Dat gebeurt wel vaker, ik zat aan Ruud te denken. Maar goed Wim wilde weten waar het programma over ging, maar toen hij in de gaten kreeg dat ik er met mijn hoofd niet bij was maakte hij een opmerking. ‘Ik weet niet wat er met jou aan de hand is, maar soms krijg ik de indruk dat je iets dwars zit.’ Ik schrok, maar liet niks merken, het enige dat ik zei was dat ik moe was, verder niks.

Gelukkig vroeg hij niet verder, hij zei alleen dat ik beter naar mijn bed kon gaan. ‘Ga maar lekker slapen, ik vermaak me wel.’
Eerlijk gezegd was ik blij dat ik naar bed kon gaan omdat ik rustig wilde nadenken. Ook over mijn werk, want dat geeft me afleiding.
Afgelopen zondag maakte ik weer iets leuks mee. Zo rond een uur of acht kwam er een vrouw naar binnen. Ze lachte vriendelijk en liep naar de wastafel. Nadat ze haar haren een beetje gefatsoeneerd had liep ze naar me toe en vroeg of ik getrouwd was. Ik knikte en keek haar vragend aan.

Ze deed een stap naar voren en zei: ‘Ik ook, maar ik ben niet gelukkig met mijn man, vroeger was ik dat wel, maar sinds hij niet meer werkt en de hele dag thuis is, niet meer. Eerlijk gezegd word ik stapelgek van hem.’

Ik keek haar verbaasd aan: ‘Hoezo, vindt u dat niet gezellig?’

Ze schudde haar hoofd: ‘Nee, want hij loopt de hele dag te zeuren, écht de hele dag. Zodra hij zijn bed uitstapt begint het al. “ Gaan we vandaag iets leuks doen?”

In het begin vond ik dat gezellig, maar nu valt hij me behoorlijk op de wekker. Die man denkt echt dat ik niks te doen heb, ik moet mijn huishouden doen, maar dat ziet hij niet, of beter gezegd, hij wilt dat niet zien. Voor hem is het leven een groot feest.’

Ik knikte vol medeleven, dat zag ze want ze zuchtte tevreden.

‘Wandelen bijvoorbeeld vindt hij prachtig, ook als het regent. Als ik dan zeg dat ik daar geen zin in heb wordt hij boos, dus dan laat ik mijn werk liggen en ga mee. Naar de supermarkt gaan vind hij ook leuk.

“Dan kom je onder de mensen,” zegt hij dan.

‘Nou, ik ga liever alleen boodschappen doen, ik weet ook precies wat ik nodig heb en let op de aanbiedingen. Hij niet, hij gooit alles wat hij lekker vindt in de kar, hij let niet op de prijs, koopt gewoon maar. En dat is nog niet alles, hij wilt nu ook samen spelletjes doen en als ik ergens een hekel aan heb zijn het spelletjes. Mens erger je niet, monopoly, kaarten, je kan het zo gek niet bedenken of hij vindt het prachtig, en ik moet meedoen.’

Ik wist niet goed wat ik zeggen moest, maar dat hoefde niet, want ze ging vrolijk verder, hoewel, vrolijk was ze niet.

‘Omdat ik even iets anders wilde heeft een goede vriendin me mee uit eten genomen. Zij begrijpt me en samen hebben we een oplossing bedacht.’

‘Oké,’ zei ik nieuwsgierig, ‘en dat is?’

‘Zij kent een man die een nieuwe vrouw zoekt, dus ga ik bij die man wonen.’

‘Is het een leuke man?’ vroeg ik nieuwsgierig.

‘Nou, nee, hij is klein, heel erg dik en ziet niet uit, maar dat geeft niet, naar het schijnt heeft hij veel geld. En wat erg belangrijk is, hij heeft een drukke baan én een hekel aan spelletjes, dat maakt een hoop goed.’ Lachend liep ze naar buiten.

Nou ja!

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