STOM.

Als iemand niet erg slim overkomt zeggen ze weleens: “ Die is zo stom als het achterend van een varken.” Nou moet ik eerlijk toegeven dat ik het achterend van een varken niet erg slim vind uitzien, dus wie ooit op dat idee gekomen is, is me een raadsel. Dat is net zoiets als de uitdrukking: “Die is nog te stom om voor de duvel te dansen.” Slaat ook nergens op, trouwens die bestaat volgens mij niet. Dat is iets wat een of andere pastoor bedacht heeft, denk ik.


Maar goed, wanneer ben je stom en wat is stom? Een ding is zeker, het heeft niks met intelegentie te maken. Als je niet slim bent ben je dom, dat is heel iets anders dan stom.

Stom vind je jezelf vaak als je iets verkeerds doet. Het kunnen kleine,  maar ook grote dingen zijn. Voorbeelden te over.

Als je ’s ochtend uit je bed stapt en vergeet een onderbroek aan te trekken.

Als je te laat de vuilnis buiten zet.

Als je het wachtwoord van je pc vergeten bent.

Als je je telefoon bij je geheime lover laat liggen.

Als je de autosleutels in het putje laat vallen.

Als je benzine tankt in plaats van diesel.

Als je belangrijke papieren weggooit.

Als je een belangrijke verjaardag vergeet.

Dat zijn inderdaad stomme dingen.

Stom uitzien is iets anders. Sommige mensen zien van nature stom uit. Daar kunnen ze niets aan doen. Ze zijn zo geboren. Maar ook daar kan je wat aan doen. Jezelf een beetje opkalefateren helpt. Vrouwen kunnen dat beter als mannen, ze maken zich op, de een doet dat goed. Anderen niet, die blijven stom uitzien.

Stomme kleding dragen ook veel mensen. Ze trekken iets aan dat stom uitziet, maar zien dat zelf niet. Wat ik stom vind uitzien is een legging waar je de onderbroek in ziet zitten. Veel te korte broeken ook. Vrouwen die hoge hakken dragen en er niet op kunnen lopen.

Een lange broek die te kort is, hoog water op Scheveningen noemen ze dat. Witte sokken op zwarte schoenen, een bonte bloes op een bonte broek. Mannen die oorbellen dragen, vrouwen die oorbellen in hun neus en in hun mond stoppen.

Stomme kapsels hebben ook veel mensen. Mannen hebben vaak een kale kop met een klein paardenstaartje. Dat vind ik dus echt niet uitzien. Net zoals vrouwen die hun haar ooit geverfd hebben en ‘vergeten’ zijn het bij te houden.

Stom lullen doen ook veel mensen. Ze doen alsof ze ergens verstand van hebben, maar dat is vaak niet zo. Je zit erbij en zegt niks omdat je dat stom vind. In de politiek doen ze dat vaak, urenlang lullen zonder iets zinnigs te zeggen.

Wat ook stom is: Boter op je gat smeren en droog brood vreten.

Aan  de slager vragen of hij verse broodjes heeft.

Aan je partner vragen wanneer jullie het de laatste keer gedaan hebben.

De belastingdienst bellen en vragen waarom je geen aanslag hebt gekregen.

Je neus snuiten in een maandverbandje.

Paaseieren in de kerstboom hangen.

Veel geld uitgeven als je niks hebt.

Het gras maaien als het regent.

Op vakantie gaan en je koffer vergeten mee te nemen.

Op bed gaan liggen wachten tot je zwanger wordt.

Zo zijn er nog meer dingen die stom zijn en we toch doen.

Ik doe dat ook. Zodra ik iets moet doen wat ik niet leuk vind zeg ik altijd: ‘Daar ben ik te stom voor.’ Helpt niet altijd, soms wel.

 

Marian.

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97 antwoorden op “STOM.”

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